John Galliano.

Fashion designer John Galliano has opened up in his first interview since the anti-Semitic comments he made in 201o that led to his dismissal from fashion house Dior, as well as a conviction in a Paris court for “public insults based on origin, religious affiliation, race or ethnicity.”

“It’s the worst thing I have said in my life, but I didn’t mean it. . . . I have been trying to find out why that anger was directed at this race. I now realize I was so f****** angry and so discontent with myself that I just said the most spiteful thing I could,” Galliano told Vanity Fair Magazine in an interview for its July issue.

Galliano said that he was at such a low point at the time because of drinking and drug abuse that “I was going to end up in a mental asylum or six feet under.”

In fact, Galliano had such a history of drug dependency that he told Vanity Fair this was the first interview he’d ever given sober.

Galliano also told Vanity Fair that he couldn’t recall having made the anti-Semitic remarks, which were caught on video, only that when he learned of the matter he was horrified.

“When everyone came over to tell me that I had done these terrible things, I was walking round and round and round not really knowing what had gone down. My assistant told me about the video. When I saw it, I threw up. The feeling was like I was about to take a step out onto the street and a bus or truck whooshed past me and the blood was drained from my legs. I was paralyzed from the fear.”

But Galliano also expressed his appreciation for what occurred, saying, “it sounds a bit bizarre, but I am so grateful for what did happen. I have learned so much about myself. I have re-discovered that little boy who had the hunger to create, which I think I had lost. I am alive.”